it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
