i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
