oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
