shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
