Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
