I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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