Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
