Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
