Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
