I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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