I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You left your phone here
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