we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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