porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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