thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
