it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
