i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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