I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
