lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
