okay pat passed out under dana's car
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
