I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
