Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
