He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
