why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
