normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
