Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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