Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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