i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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