I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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