i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
