So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
