I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize