White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
