sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
