STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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