when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
