I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
