i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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