The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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