we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
