it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
