I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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