Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
