i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
