Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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