Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
