I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
