Little spoons don't ask big questions
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
