this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
