YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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