If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
