how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
