dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
