The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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