i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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